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Meditations In Wonderland

July 25th, 2014
How do you see yourself in your spiritual growth? Are you enlightened or near it?
Anonymous

Hi anon,

Oh gosh. Thank you for your question, and for your confidence in me! But the answer is a firm nope nope nope.

I don’t subscribe to enlightenment. It’s difficult for me to conceive of a soul that’s ever finished, complete and perfect.

Deep down I feel that the universe doesn’t reward perfection, it rewards expansion. That’s what it’s doing after all.

But to answer the core of your question I think I’ve acknowledged many of the primary lessons I need to learn in this life, this go around – that is to say that I know what they are, I know what I need to work on, I know what I’m here to do. That in itself was a tough battle but I’m so grateful for it. The awareness at least gives me the chance to see day to day opportunities that arise to put those lessons to the test, to see if I grow or crumble.

Being aware is one thing, actually evolving and learning the lesson fully is another. Some of the lessons I’m here to learn are long-term, I think they’ll take a lot of growth across the board over many different experiences to help me truly fulfill them, most likely they’ll span across my whole life time. Others are short-term and can be taken care of relatively quickly, and once they’re sorted through some others will pop up, hungry for resolution. Realizing the difference between the two is another difficulty that spiritual growth can help to determine.

So I’m not sure if I can answer your question in the way you intended… I’ll never be perfect. I’ll never be finished. Boiled down that’s just what enlightenment seems like to me. I’ve taken multiple years of Buddhist classes, both in high school and in college, and that’s just what it always came down to it seems like. Truthfully I would never be content with that even if that weren’t true, my energy only seeks to expand, to go forward, and to never stop learning.

It’s a reality I think I’m coming to terms with through working on my novel, actually, because it’s a microcosm of the spiritual journey itself in many ways, or at least of my own. It’s “done” according to the definition of finished but I keep turning it over and over again in my palm anyway until the time comes when my intuition tells me its ready.

The difference between done and ready, spiritually, might be actually what I’ve been getting at this whole time.

I really appreciate your question, it gives me an opportunity to look within and I’m very grateful for that! Thanks so much for lending your energy here.

Namaste,

Anna

July 15th, 2014

An Excerpt From My Upcoming Novel, “Meditations In Wonderland,” Meet Elizabeth

Hi everyone,

I wanted to thank you all for all of the likes, reblogs, comments, and inboxes I received after I posted my first excerpt (which you can read here). I still can’t believe I reached 100! So as a thanks, I wanted to elbow my demon of self-doubt in the ribs by posting a second one.

One good turn deserves another, right?

Also as a thanks, I will be following everyone who likes/reblogs/comments/sends me a message about this excerpt. Because contributing your energy to this blog has left fingerprints on me and my writing in a way that can’t and won’t go unrecognized. So it’s my deepest and sincerest hope that you enjoy this!

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In this excerpt of Meditations In Wonderland we get a chance to look intimately into my protagonist, 24-year-old Elizabeth, as she confronts her biggest demon: herself.

Elizabeth stumbled into the bathroom and groped the wall for the light switch with the needy but precise fingers of someone functioning from the blurred state between being awake and being asleep, where the subconscious mind still pulls the strings.

The light streaming in from the window behind her caught the medicine cabinet mirror, beckoning her. She flicked the light on, and rubbed her temples as she approached the sink. She couldn’t reach for her toothbrush. Instead her hands gripped the sides of the sink, her white knuckles complemented the porcelain as she held in a scream. It wasn’t the toothbrush she was after this morning.

“Almost there…” Elizabeth murmured as her eyes grew closer and closer to catching her own gaze in the mirror. Invisible needles pricked her spine as her eye contact grew more imminent, making her damp grip slide on the porcelain. Slowly, slowly, her eyes inched upward to meet themselves in her reflection.

When they finally connected she thought they looked like black holes, despite the fact that they were really a dark shade of green. To her they looked like doll’s eyes, as if behind their luster resided secrets long withheld, locked away beneath their glassy depths, entombed in a place few dared to reach. She saw the inset wrinkles on her forehead, and the faded acne scars. She saw the thin, white scar above her left eye where her childhood cat scratched her long ago. She saw the delicate skin under her eyes as an abyss of purple and twisted veins. The sight of her canvas of skin and sunken eyes made her furrow her brow, which only made the storylines on her face grow deeper. They began to look like trenches, and when Elizabeth tugged at them they only fell back into place like obedient soldiers. An acidic revulsion crawled through her and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention.

As she looked away the goose bumps that dotted her neck subsided, leaving her body cold. She picked up her toothbrush and threw it at the sink with such force that it was as if she wanted it to fly down the drain and reappear in another dimension.

“Ellie? You alright in there?” said her boyfriend, Adam, who sat with Fitz, their French bulldog, just feet away on the living room couch.

 “Yeah, I’m fine,” she called out to him, her pulse racing again, “I just dropped something.” It was on days like this that the studio apartment they shared took the form of a small labyrinth, with each sound reverberating against the walls and closing in on them in a broken chorus. She unwrapped her fingers from the sink and splashed cold water on her face.

“What’s wrong with you!” her internal monologue began, right on time, “Who can’t look at themselves in the mirror? Are you crazy?”

I welcome all feedback in my inbox. Every thought helps!

You can read all updates on the book here.

As always, thank you for reading.

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June 21st, 2014
What advice can you give on eating healthy and being fit? I try to be as healthy as possible, but always end up stopping a week into it. How do you stay so damn beautiful???
Anonymous

Oh my jeeze thanks! All I can really say for myself, to quote Raj Koothrappali, is that I have a pretty balls to the wall moisturizing regimine.

I’m not a registered nutritionist or physiologist so I don’t really like to dish out too much, because what do I know, but here is my health sphere in a nutshell:

I’m a vegetarian and have been for my whole life so my diet is primarily fruits, vegetables, dairy and starches (in that order) and I take supplements for iron, magnesium, D3 and MK7, which was prescribed by a holistic nutritionist I worked with. I drink a spoonful of cod liver oil almost every night. I do have a sweet tooth though, and I let myself have that. Partially because I live with my boyfriend and boys will be boys when it comes to having that kind of food around, and also because I want what I want and I don’t want to live in a world without cookies.

In terms of working out I learned a lot from a personal trainer I worked with for awhile so my routines work for me but I strongly encourage everyone to do what feels right for them, whether it’s working out or diet-related. That’s what will keep you from stopping a week in. You don’t even have to go to the gym if that crushes your soul, find something you love that’s active! I love yoga and horseback riding, outdoor runs and kickboxing. Do what fulfills you and it won’t feel like a workout.

Ultimately it’s all about what you can manage. Don’t throw yourself into a workout routine or diet that doesn’t serve you.

Namaste and green smoothies,

Anna

June 15th, 2014
I learned it all from the coolest of the cool.

Hope you all had a beautiful Father’s Day! I spent the day with my dad watching nothing but sports, from soccer to his all-time fav, basketball. And all the teams we wanted to win won!

Namaste,
Anna

I learned it all from the coolest of the cool.

Hope you all had a beautiful Father’s Day! I spent the day with my dad watching nothing but sports, from soccer to his all-time fav, basketball. And all the teams we wanted to win won!

Namaste,
Anna

June 1st, 2014
Hello :) What are you favorite books? Not necessarily spiritual ones, just fiction. I'm looking for some good reads for the summer time! Thank you :)
Anonymous

This is my favorite question, by the way!

Great timing too, since BEA (BookExpo America) just came to a close, and I’ve been reading mostly fiction lately.

I’ve found that for me nothing liberates the heart like fiction, and great fiction liberates the soul too.

First you should know I’m biased toward Russian literature. Nothing fills me up in the literary world more than Dostoevsky. My favorite book of all time is Crime and Punishment. Followed closely by The Brothers Karamazov. In my world Dostoevsky is king, the beauty of his prose and the rawness of his mind leaves me with all my words stuck in my throat, and that’s saying a lot for me! Next, if you’re in a whimsical mood The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov. That one sticks to the ribs. If you like weird (and I like weird) things always get strange with Gogol (“The Nose” especially!). Fathers and Sons by Turgenev captured me a lot more than I thought it would, he touches on a lot of themes that are still true today. As for a little more modern Russian lit, Nabokov for always and always! I actually liked his memoir, Speak, Memory more than Lolita, but they’re both great. I’m planning on reading The Idiot by Dostoevsky this summer.

A recent fiction favorite is Tenth of December by George Saunders. If you’re into short stories he’s one of the best, always touches the tender spots and ruthlessly humanizes, really beautiful. I’m not always a fan of short stories, but read a lot in college. Raymond Carver’s Where I’m Calling From is on my list!

For the classics, Heart of Darkness really impacted me. It’s one of only two books I’ve ever read twice (the other title is below). The only book I’ll likely read a third time. It’s a novella, too, only about 40 pages in most versions.Read it and then watch “Apocalypse Now”! In Cold Blood by Truman Capote is one that followed me like a shadow for years, and I read it my junior year of high school! Capote is on another level, I have no doubt you’ll take something away from his writing.

I’m not afraid to admit that I love anything dystopian, including dystopian YA when the mood strikes me. I recently read The Hunger Games trilogy, and loved that, although I had my fair share of criticisms there. But that’s the fun part! I’m planning on reading the Divergent series soon by Veronica Roth. For classic dystopians I loved 1984, it’s the second book I’ve read twice. The Road still floats around in my mind after being introduced to Cormack McCarthy my senior year of college. I literally couldn’t put it down, I think I read it in two days.

Currently I’m reading The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd, it’s the first book I’ve read of hers and I’m impressed so far. I’m really invested in both main characters (although not both equally, though that balance may shift, we’ll see!). She has beautiful prose. Sometimes I’m struck by the gems of a sentence she’ll throw in, like when little Sarah is watching two women argue though she can’t hear what they’re saying and she said that their words formed over their heads like antlers. Too cool! I’m halfway through.

Anyway, sorry this is so long, books are a big love of mine!

If you want to know more about what books are on my list, what I’ve read, and what I’m currently reading, I invite you to connect with me on Goodreads!

Namaste and read on,

Anna

May 23rd, 2014

Cezar and I got a few little cameo moments on The Bethenny Show!

Does anyone else love Bethenny or am I just a freak?

Anyway, regardless of the answer to that, I was really happy that this little moment got caught on national TV so I wanted to share it with you!

Namaste,

Anna

May 22nd, 2014

Meditations In Wonderland Turns 3!

Three years and 15.7k followers later, this blog is still a calm space, free of judgement and expectations, open to all vibrations.

For those who have been with me all three years, and those new and in between, I’m so happy your path led you here!

May 20th, 2014

Life Via The Camera Roll

So for those who follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you already vicariously went to Vegas with me. Sorry for the overload!

I wanted to share a little snapshot of my girls trip to Vegas last weekend!

For my coworker/best friend/partner in crime’s 23rd birthday we packed up and headed to Planet Hollywood in Vegas for four days. The fun was indescribable, I can only say that I feel like being 23 is Vegas prime time.

And yes, I played the Alice in Wonderland slot machines. I won 18 cents. So that happened. I keep telling myself it won’t be a reflection of the book’s success, but that I just suck at gambling.

The rest of the weekend was spent dancing, bonding, laying out, drinking, doing everyone’s makeup, and just getting to unwind with the girls. We each got Alex and Ani bracelets (the Las Vegas charm) to commemorate our trip, and I couldn’t think of a better energy token to bring back.

Also since I discovered Alex and Ani (I know I’m a little late to the party) I fell in love. I love that they’re each made with energy technology. So naturally now I want all of them.

We also got to see Britney at Planet Hollywood and DIPLO at XS! Wild.

Since I’ve been back I’ve been enjoying time with Cezar and getting back into the swing of things!

Hope you all had a beautiful weekend,

Anna

May 18th, 2014

Inviting you all to meditate with me - you can see all of my meditation practices and tips in my Meditation Guide!

Namaste,

Anna

May 9th, 2014

Life via the camera roll

I thought I’d share a slice of me and Cezar’s home with you! The little world of Brooklyn Heights.

For more, you can always follow me on Instagram (@loveannapatrick).

Namaste, and I hope you make your own home an adventure,

Anna

May 5th, 2014

Recently I got to live a writer’s dream… Cezar and I made a pilgrimage to Truman Capote’s house!

He lived in the basement of this house in Brooklyn Heights, turns out it’s just a short walk from our place.

I touched his entry gate, wanting to soak up any creative energy I naively thought might still linger in his old space. He finished Breakfast at Tiffany’s and wrote In Cold Blood in that basement.

So bottom line it was really moving, and motivating to say the least!

For more, you can always follow me on Instagram (@loveannapatrick).

Namaste,

Anna

April 26th, 2014

A HUGE THANKS To Everyone Who Read My First Excerpt Of “Meditations In Wonderland”! Giving Back By FOLLOWING!

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But really, you have no idea.

I want to give you all the biggest hug (unless you’re not into that, in which case opt for high-fives) for all of the likes, comments, reblogs, and sweet inbox messages! It was such a positive experience sharing with you all, and it meant so much to me that you took the time to read it and let me know you did and share your thoughts on it.

So with that said I want to make sure I am following EVERY single one of you who read my excerpt! So if you like/reblog the post with the excerpt or inbox me I will follow you!!!

Count on more excerpts to come as I move into the securing an agent/publishing house phase.

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April 24th, 2014

Finally, The First Excerpt From My Upcoming Novel, “Meditations In Wonderland”

Hi beautiful souls,

**4/26/14 EDIT: As a thank you I want to make sure I’m following everyone that likes/reblogs/comments on this post! Thanks for being a part of the journey!

I mustered up the courage to post this, and I owe a lot of that to your kind words over the last few days. Since this is the first time I am publicly sharing an excerpt from my novel, I encourage you to let me know what your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy it!

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In the following excerpt from Meditations In Wonderland, chapter two, we join Elizabeth, our 24-year-old protagonist, who has just fallen down her own personal rabbit hole after slipping into a deep meditation. But instead of finding a white rabbit after reaching the bottom, she encounters something - or someone - a little more sinister:

Just before the figure was able to completely round the corner Elizabeth caught a glimpse of a blue dress trailing behind a figure with blonde hair. For a moment the sky blue fabric seemed to be caught on a rogue splinter hiding on the wall as Alice tried to round the corner, and Elizabeth watched the fabric rip ever so slightly as Alice freed herself from her snare, and her footsteps once again echoed in the next hallway of the marble labyrinth surrounding them.

Elizabeth stood fixed on the white marble tile she was on, with one arm stretched out toward Alice, who never faced her but continued to run just out of her reach.

“Alice!” she shouted. Her voice pierced through the sound of scuffling, becoming shriller to the point of cracking as she lost herself deeper within the labyrinth. “Please wait, Alice!” She begged in a labored voice.

Alice’s pace did not slow, and neither did hers.

“I’m lost! Alice, I’m lost! I need your help!” she shouted, nearly losing her footing as she slid on the smooth surface of the tile.

With the bang of a door the sound of quickened footfalls in the distance stopped. Alice disappeared, leaving Elizabeth at the end of a hallway facing another corridor with nothing but a white side table and a large black door at the end of it. Even though she was alone when she reached the bottom of the rabbit hole, this kind of loneliness took another, more sinister form. It was as if she heard only one note of her favorite song, or as if she was lost in the desert and saw a plane flying far overhead.

            Elizabeth’s breaths became shallow as her isolation gripped her. She still stood frozen in the spot where she watched Alice disappear.

“Alice!” she screamed, “Alice, can you hear me? Please stop, Alice! I know it’s you, I know who you are!”

She heard only the echo of her own voice, repeating her words back to her in a fading chorus, “Alice! Alice! Alice! Is there anybody in here? In here?”

“How could she just disappear?”

Everything she knew of reality and logic slowly slipped through her fingers like sand in an hourglass. She reached down to touch the small nail that jutted ever so slightly out of the wall. Several fibers of Alice’s infamous blue dress were still caught on the nail, and Elizabeth ran her fingers over the light blue threads as if they were something both precious and familiar.

            Regaining her senses, the desperation of being alone gripping at her throat, she raced toward the door through which Alice had disappeared. When she finally stood before it she cautiously reached for the doorknob. Her outstretched fingers slid right through it. She faintly saw her fingertips on the other side of the door as if she had reached her hand through a cloud. Her heart sank into her stomach as the thought of losing Alice took her mind captive.

            “How could I have lost her?” she said to herself, “Please don’t leave me alone!

            “Breathe, just breathe,” she reminded herself, “If Alice got through this door then there must be a way out for me.”

Scanning her surroundings for another way out, refusing to succumb to the dark fear welling up inside of her, her eyes suddenly grazed the small, white table a few feet to her right that she had past on the way to the door.

There was nothing on its surface, but inside the top drawer Elizabeth found a small, white compact mirror with pink borders stamped across its sides. She recognized it as her own, the one that she exiled to her purse, and the same one that floated in the rabbit hole. As she picked it up to stash in her back pocket, carefully and without opening it, she noticed a letter laying beneath it with the words “OPEN ME” handwritten on the front. The letters came together in a unique cursive that bent together like tree branches, beckoning her into their welcoming arms.

As she held the letter in her wet palms she could feel the beating of her heart inside of her chest as it hummed along with the sound of a distant clock, both emitting a beat like a war drum that left her with a harsh reminder of her seclusion – and that Alice was getting further and further away. She tore at its seams and extracted the folded paper inside, which read:

“So, you want to see my world?

Look around you. Honestly, did you really think that you were going to come and do a little sight seeing? There are no maps down here, but I’ll tell you what one would look like if such a thing existed. What you see around you is the white, tender underbelly of the subconscious. This is where all of the skeletons, ghosts and demons that are hidden in your closet and up your sleeve come to tuck themselves in at night. And don’t think for a second that they will be easy to spot, because everyone wears a mask here. And you do too, gorgeous, even if you don’t think so. I’m not the one who looks in the mirror and then quickly looks away.

No, this isn’t rock bottom. I’ve been to rock bottom, and I’ll tell you something about it that no one ever talks about – down there it’s finally quiet.

So I’ll let you in on a little secret before you find yourself hopelessly lost in the depths of your own subconscious that you’ve fallen into. There aren’t any cute little white rabbits for you to follow around, and there are no refreshments or frosted cookies that turn you into something else, or someone you’re not.

When you were casually meandering down the rabbit hole I was the one who screamed at you to run, but you didn’t listen to me. That’s about to change. There’s something that you need to know about this place before you start following your intuitive whims instead of following my advice: you created this place. You created everything in it, and you have the freewill to change and create anything you please, if you can. And when you were thinking earlier, ‘Oh God, why me,’ I would like to remind you that you wanted to come here, you came here yourself and let yourself in.

And yes, the rumors are true. Everyone here is mad, therefore I’m mad too.

Welcome to Wonderland – catch me if you can, bitch.”

Alice

I welcome all feedback in my inbox. Every thought helps!

You can read all updates on the book here.

I want to thank you for being a constant source of inspiration as I wrote the book, and as I head into the publishing jungle… and thanks for giving me the courage to post this!


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April 23rd, 2014
April 21st, 2014

Cheering from afar today and thinking of Mile 21!

By Anna Patrick
Effusions of an honest soul, created in a world of her own.
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By Anna Patrick

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