Sorry not to post the first half of this, but I felt that its intensity would be best left private. I wish you had come off on anon so we could address this on a more personal level!
I’m so sorry you had this experience. It must have been beyond terrifying, and it’s completely understandable that you’re left shaken and vulnerable. What happened to you isn’t ok, and shouldn’t happen, and I wish it hadn’t. Please be kind to yourself as you recover from this nightmare.
In the immediate short term, I urge you to report what happened to your campus police. Next, make use of your university’s counseling services. These steps will at least help you get a grip on the immediate state of shock, and hopefully will help you feel at least a little safer. Safe enough to return to class.
What happened was not your fault, and it doesn’t have to define you. I would recommend, as you feel yourself getting more stable, engaging in something that makes you feel safe while also connecting your body back to your mind again. Yoga is the perfect example, but if you prefer a different art form or music then that’s perfect. Only when you’re able to get a grip on the situation by feeling your body, mind and spirit united again can you start to make steps toward healing. Please be gentle with yourself during this time.
If you get anything out of my message, I hope it’s the urge to speak out. This could happen to other girls, especially if these people aren’t called to face what they’ve done. You can use this horrific injustice as a call to action, to help heal yourself and to potentially save others. It might not feel like it right now, but this can make you stronger. You were a victim that night, but you can take back your freedom and peace of mind by using something they can never take away from you – your voice.
Please come back here if you need a safe space to talk, my inbox is ALWAYS open to you!
Wishing you light in this dark place,
To be honest I think I’m still figuring that out! Ask me in another 5-10 years and I’ll probably have much better insight.
But as of where I stand now, I know the typical answers would be communication, honesty, etc. and I think that’s true – although I think at its essence the key is just the capacity to understand one another. Because from that foundation of understanding comes the rest – the compassion, the strength to let go and forgive, the ability to trust, and so on.
It can take a lot of time, strength and effort to reach that level of understanding. I mean think of how long it takes us as individuals to understand ourselves. So for this to happen in a relationship, that’s where the long and lasting happiness comes in, in my opinion anyway.
Btw, love your blog! Highly recommend everyone checks it out!
I wanted the whole world or nothing